Service Critique Collector Gifts

Patience.

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Payback Time

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"Just got back from the client meeting and great news. . . your work isn't dead. It's beaten senseless and run over by a dump truck...but still very much alive."

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

"We emphasize personal service. Our broker-client ratio is three to one."

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

You want tech support. This is mockery and belittlement.

"Cable, my foot! Still snow on the TV!"

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

Couple Waiting for Service

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

'Denise, could you send someone in to fluff up the pile of cash I'm sitting on?'

'Don't you think you may have overdone it with the layoffS?'

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

"We're being sued because we don't have any women in top management!'"

'We guarantee you won't get your money back.'

"We're shorthanded - open your own!"

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

Walmart vs. Target.

"Please stay on the line. All of our customer-service representatives are kidding around and throwing paper airplanes at each other."

'I think he's recognized us: I told you we should have left a tip last time...'

Budget Air - Click here if you agree to be being treated like dirt

"The doctor encourages second opinions, but not about his fees."