Service Skeptic Gifts

"We've become so diversified these days...let me check to see if we have anything at all to do with customer service."

'We're happy to explain our fee structure to you as long as you understand that it will incur a fee.'

"24 hour service. Yes, that's how long it takes us to prepare your pub lunch."

"Did you remember to tip the doorman?"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"It looks like a perfectly balanced system to me."

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"Nihilistic customer service"

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Can't you anarchists do anything within the system?

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

Cold caller.

"The new system is 100% accurate as long as the client is called Colin and lives in Swindon."

'You cal it loyalty, we call it Stockholm Syndrome!'

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"Of course, Perkins likes to think he can make it to the top outside the corporate structure."

"We emphasize personal service. Our broker-client ratio is three to one."

Freedom Puppet

"Actually, I'm tired of the man trying to shape our minds so they fit into some pre-arranged societal widget."

Sales company

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'I'm going to have to go with the leeches on this one....'

'The government is offering us financial incentives to offer out staff financial incentives to offer our customers financial incentives to come up withsome good ideas for financial incentives.'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"I was supposed to prepare your year-end review but I figured youe sales chart would just save me the trouble."

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

'...I know it's a good discount but we don't need double glazing!'

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

The Thought Really Doesn't Count

City Bank: The bank that sticks with you through thick.

'We have a dysfunctional congress, dysfunctional economy, dysfunctional health care system... that's why I'm quitting government so I can join the insurance lobby and run things!'

"I'm not saying the lamb is good, but nobody's complained about it yet."

"They're 60 per cent wool, 30 per cent nylon, 35 percent interest..."