Service Fee Skeptic Gifts

'Since you just came in to say hello, there'll only be a nominal service charge.'

'What do our service charges cover? -- people who ask too many questions!'

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

"It's as though everything nice about you had been just some kind of introductory offer."

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

"You forgot to read the small print Mr Burrows. My charges are ten pounds a letter and you have two hundred and thirty three on this page."

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

"It means a chieftain tank of petrol."

City Bank: The bank that sticks with you through thick.

'How did I become Vice-President? You ask...I came up with the logest list of fees to charge bank customers.'

Street merchants 'Hair wraps' 'Henna Tattoos' 'Colonic irrigation'

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

"24 hour service. Yes, that's how long it takes us to prepare your pub lunch."

"Wheels and an engine? Now you're talking sports package."

"We've become so diversified these days...let me check to see if we have anything at all to do with customer service."

Supermarkets

Please take a number.. '.E = MC2?'

Complaints and Excuses.

Supermarket Self Service Checkout

"This charge is for your monthly service fee and this charge is because you didn't have it."

'What's this £25 'extra labour'?' - 'That's for the time spent drawing up the bill'.

'A second opinion? All right, but I charge double for that.'

We use all the latest painless procedures, so now a visit only hurts at the end when you get the bill.

'We must improve our level of service.'

Lots of people helping out with the self-service machine.

'We're happy to explain our fee structure to you as long as you understand that it will incur a fee.'

'Your call is important to us...but not important encough for us to hire additional staff to talk to you.'

'I told you we should have gone for the full service package.'

"Remember our motto, 'If it ain't broke, fix it anyway'!"

'Just give me the ten bucks and look at it as another surcharge.'

'Okay, forget the warden. I'll speak to anyone in customer services.'

"It's the airline. The luggage you lost seven years ago is still lost."