Billing Skeptic Gifts

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

'A second opinion? All right, but I charge double for that.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

I am billing, therefore I am.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

Cold caller.

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

"I charge by the grain."

Medical Billing & Coding

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

Sales company

Sacking a unprofitable patient

'The computer links me to other doctors, so I can see how much they're charging for tests.'

"Your 'businessman's lunch' was $9.95, sir, but I had to add a 'fair share' surcharge."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"I was supposed to prepare your year-end review but I figured youe sales chart would just save me the trouble."

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

'We deny most claims, but that's how we keep your premiums so low.'

'...I know it's a good discount but we don't need double glazing!'

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

'Here, check it by processing my bill.'