Billing Skeptic Gifts

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

'A second opinion? All right, but I charge double for that.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

The Public Option

I am billing, therefore I am.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

Cold caller.

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

"I charge by the grain."

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

Medical Billing & Coding

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

Sales company

Sacking a unprofitable patient

'The computer links me to other doctors, so I can see how much they're charging for tests.'

"Your 'businessman's lunch' was $9.95, sir, but I had to add a 'fair share' surcharge."

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

"I was supposed to prepare your year-end review but I figured youe sales chart would just save me the trouble."

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

Entomology Lab. I think the insect population declines we've been seeing in nature are a result of problems with their healthcare system. Podiatry and vision care are not covered services. Your plan will only pay for a one-night stay in the cocoon. The HMO says this is a workers comp issue. Insurance. Premiums are higher for ladybugs than for other bugs.

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'We deny most claims, but that's how we keep your premiums so low.'

'Here, check it by processing my bill.'