Expense Skeptic Gifts

'Car expenses? So what's with the bicycle clips?'

Sheila Fraser's To-Do List.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

The Public Option

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'Take a letter,'

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

Sacking a unprofitable patient

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

'We can tell the public, ' the good news is we've eliminated the middleman, The bad news is we've eliminated a lot of other jobs.''

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

Entomology Lab. I think the insect population declines we've been seeing in nature are a result of problems with their healthcare system. Podiatry and vision care are not covered services. Your plan will only pay for a one-night stay in the cocoon. The HMO says this is a workers comp issue. Insurance. Premiums are higher for ladybugs than for other bugs.

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'