Savings Skeptic Gifts

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

'Ugh! Savings sprees are so dull.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

Sacking a unprofitable patient

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."