Savings Skeptic Gifts

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

'Ugh! Savings sprees are so dull.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

The Public Option

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

Guide to Working Class Investing

Sacking a unprofitable patient

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

"I invested $1000 in Nortel and now my shares are worth 18 cents."

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'