Finance Skeptic Gifts

"I don't have to worry about my investments; it's a perk of not having any."

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'Ruddy customers have NO idea of the costs power companies have to cover!'

"It's time once again for Jesus to chase the money changers from the temple."

"He doesn't trust banks."

"There's a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called corporate banking."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

Euro fall...

A happy poor man is given money by a rich man and is no longer happy.

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).