Finance Skeptic Pillows

"I don't have to worry about my investments; it's a perk of not having any."

We're offering free financing to customers. How's that? No money down and no interest for two weeks. Then customers pay 25 percent interest in 8 low monthly installments. Are you kidding?! That's like $8 for a cup of coffee! It's highway robbery! You flatter me. You're not by chance selling smart TVs?

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'Ruddy customers have NO idea of the costs power companies have to cover!'

"It's time once again for Jesus to chase the money changers from the temple."

"He doesn't trust banks."

"There's a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called corporate banking."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

Euro fall...

A happy poor man is given money by a rich man and is no longer happy.

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

Guide to Working Class Investing

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.