Financial Planning Skeptic Pillows

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

"It's a dependent!"

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

Dick rode through the night, the job offer to become a Pension Investment Opportunities Advisor was just too good to miss.

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

'Andy, this is Doug. Looks like we're going to have to dip into the reserves earlier than we expected.'

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

"It's from our tax consultant. We forgot to beef up our pension scheme, so now we're going to be extinct."

see no evil...hear no evil...SEC can't even spell evil

"I just want enough to get out of the country, and disappear forever."

"Kids and grand kids squared away forever ago. All set with money. No energy for a whole court thing. So-o-o... maybe you just die?" "Whatever makes you happy, sweet cheeks."

'Six hundred dollars! That's ridiculous! I could buy a new driver with that kind of money!'

"How do we know this isn't a ponzi scheme?"

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

'I'd say my client's position was more agitated than distressed.'

"Yeah, yeah, you can do a nice mating-dance, but I need to see a bank statement..."

Baby Boomers vote

'We found the trouble Mr. Spencer. Your credit is no good!'

'Actually, trickle-down economics is over with ? what you hear now is the sound of special interests drooling.'

Trouble at the U.S. Federal Reserve.

"No, we're going to see a financial advisor, we can't be flippant about our retirement money."

"It's time once again for Jesus to chase the money changers from the temple."

'Your reckless nature will lead to good fortune and misery for millions.'

STRIP Hambone: Random Number Generator