Financial Skepticism Pillows

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Stock market investment advice

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Standard & Poor

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

Euro fall...

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"