Banking Skeptic Gifts

'You want a loan, you say? Ha, Ha, that's a good one!....Where in the world did you hear that banks made loans?!'

'We'd like protection insurance against greedy bankers.'

'Brand new community bank: no service is more personal.'

24hr Loans - Closed all day.

You're really worried about getting stung, aren't you?

'We're sorry. Your answer to your secret question was incorrect. Your bank account has therefore been erased from our banking system.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Standard & Poor

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

Bank Robbery Statistics

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

'You're a bad credit risk so, yes, of course you can have some money.'

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

'We can tell the public, ' the good news is we've eliminated the middleman, The bad news is we've eliminated a lot of other jobs.''

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

Bank...formed 1893, merged 1971, saved by the Federal Government 1989.

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons that the dollar...'

see no evil...hear no evil...SEC can't even spell evil

"I'd heard banks were reluctant to give businesses money - but I didn't think it was this bad..."

"I just want enough to get out of the country, and disappear forever."

'. . . What if we sell Britain as an offshore platform to the EU and lease it back from them?'

"How do we know this isn't a ponzi scheme?"