Bank Skeptics Gifts

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

Standard & Poor

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

How Trickle Down Economics Work

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

Bank Robbery Statistics

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

'You're a bad credit risk so, yes, of course you can have some money.'

"Remember, we must project the illusion that our main responsibility is to our stockholders."

EuroPygmees

'Since stocks are so wacko now,I'm advising clients to go with their lucky numbers on lotto tickets.'

"I'd heard banks were reluctant to give businesses money - but I didn't think it was this bad..."

Foreclosure.

'I can remember when banks competed for customers...Now its shareholders.'

"Wait, sir. It's a new banking regulation -- You can't leave without depositing something."

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

'Usury' is not a pretty word, Mr. Williams.

Your Money Back if and when We Feel Like It.

Victims of Financial Consultant's

"Frankly, I find it quite insulting that we're often likened to dodgy bankers!"

"There's a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called corporate banking."

'They're the only people getting any money from banks these days.'

"It's time once again for Jesus to chase the money changers from the temple."

Home-Town Savings: A super-conglomerated financial company with a local-sounding name designed to put you at ease while we play with your money like a drunk tourist in Vegs.

'Oh well, at least it's breaking up the banks.'

Get rich today with cold fusion tomorrow! Invest now!: 'More like con - fusion! He's a con artist!'

Greed Is Getting Back to Normal

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'

"He said it could be about 45 minutes, due to the global economic slowdown."

EU bank restructure.

" I thought you wanted to know how much you had in your account."