Bank Skeptics Pillows

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

Standard & Poor

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

Bank Robbery Statistics

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'You're a bad credit risk so, yes, of course you can have some money.'

EuroPygmees

"Remember, we must project the illusion that our main responsibility is to our stockholders."

"I'd heard banks were reluctant to give businesses money - but I didn't think it was this bad..."

'Since stocks are so wacko now,I'm advising clients to go with their lucky numbers on lotto tickets.'

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

'I can remember when banks competed for customers...Now its shareholders.'

"Wait, sir. It's a new banking regulation -- You can't leave without depositing something."

Foreclosure.

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

'Usury' is not a pretty word, Mr. Williams.

Victims of Financial Consultant's

Your Money Back if and when We Feel Like It.

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'

'They're the only people getting any money from banks these days.'

Home-Town Savings: A super-conglomerated financial company with a local-sounding name designed to put you at ease while we play with your money like a drunk tourist in Vegs.

Get rich today with cold fusion tomorrow! Invest now!: 'More like con - fusion! He's a con artist!'

"There's a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called corporate banking."

"It's time once again for Jesus to chase the money changers from the temple."

"Frankly, I find it quite insulting that we're often likened to dodgy bankers!"

'Oh well, at least it's breaking up the banks.'

"He said it could be about 45 minutes, due to the global economic slowdown."

EU bank restructure.

" I thought you wanted to know how much you had in your account."

'Ruddy customers have NO idea of the costs power companies have to cover!'