Financial Skeptic Gifts

"Would you mind getting lunch? All my money is in a blind trust."

'No daughter of mine is marrying a good-for-nothing banker.'

'Actually, trickle-down economics is over with ? what you hear now is the sound of special interests drooling.'

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

'What do you mean overdrawn, I still have 12 cheques left.'

'Are you sure you want to get a loan from him?'

Trouble at the U.S. Federal Reserve.

see no evil...hear no evil...SEC can't even spell evil

CEO bonus.

"When you say you earn mid six figures, does that include the decimal?"

'I keep my money in a mattress. It's much safer than a bank!'

"I just want enough to get out of the country, and disappear forever."

"Think Pension Fund: you pump money in, the fund manager sucks it back out and you're left with a big hole."

"Uh-oh, vulture capitalists. Watch your wallet."

'Couldn't you just spontaneously combust!'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

Are we headed into a recession?

'We've approved a loan so your home will be more valuable once we foreclose on it.'

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

"How do we know this isn't a ponzi scheme?"

STRIP Hambone: Random Number Generator

'You want to borrow $500? ... What do you want to waste it on?'

Bank: Deposits insured by the U.S. social security trust fund.

'If trickle down economics works, how come the bankers end up with the $700 billion?'

Clancy: Lending Money

Friendly loan company.

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

''Lay up treasures in Heaven'? - That sounds like a Ponzi scheme to me!'

'First it's global warming, now they say we've got negative equity.'

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

"If you're so good, why are you still working?"

...Be honest - would you trust an investment consultant who's wet, slimy and covered in scales?

'Stay away from that guy - there's no profit in prophets.'

"So in conclusion, you're 'on target'...maybe, perhaps...but I wouldn't want you to hold me to that!"