Financially Savvy Skeptic Gifts

"Tia Carmen, obviously a woman of your wisdom and knowledge has money socked away in savings, right?"

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

"Son, it's about time I told you the facts of life, the richest 1% own half the world's wealth."

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

'Remember son: not a borrower but a lender be.'

Past Performance in No Guarantee of Future Results.

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

'Sell during a boom; buy during a bust - that sounds more like Warren Buffett instead of Buddha.'

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

How to bare up in a bare market.

'We can tell the public, ' the good news is we've eliminated the middleman, The bad news is we've eliminated a lot of other jobs.''

"I spent all last year totally paralyzed with indecision about a career - isn't that some kinda tax deduction?"

'How many pension fund managers does it take to change a lightbulb...?'

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons that the dollar...'

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

'. . . What if we sell Britain as an offshore platform to the EU and lease it back from them?'

"I just want enough to get out of the country, and disappear forever."