Money Skeptic Gifts

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

Euro fall...

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

A happy poor man is given money by a rich man and is no longer happy.

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

Guide to Working Class Investing

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

'We can tell the public, ' the good news is we've eliminated the middleman, The bad news is we've eliminated a lot of other jobs.''