Financial Ethics Skeptic Gifts

'Your reckless nature will lead to good fortune and misery for millions.'

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

IOC and human rights.

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

Nasty, Shady, and Gruesome equal Massive potential profits

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

'Excellent idea, Primrose...but will the public buy it?'

'To avoid any conflict, I've put my ethics in a blind trust.'

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

Without telling me, you invested my salary in The Infant Restaurant Critic. It's a funny story, actually … Weeks earlier, the cafe got a visit from a baby whose screaming and yelling can make or break the restaurant. If the baby eats the food, the eatery gets a good review online. If not, ouch. It's not Yelp, more like yell. Or whine. But like so many subjective concepts, this one can be corrupted. It turned out that the entrepreneurs behind The Infant Restaurant Critic were willing to compromis

"Don't include any tobacco stocks in your portfolio- they'll only stunt its growth."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

"Your 401(k) is a low-risk investment, other than a few stocks that happen to finance the end of human civilization as we know it."

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

'They're the angel of social conscience funds and his evil twin, greedy devil.'

'Getting a big bonus to risk other people's money makes me wonder if I am part of a conspiracy.'

"I just want enough to get out of the country, and disappear forever."

see no evil...hear no evil...SEC can't even spell evil

'Our social conscience fund invests in companies that don't do animal testing.'

Holistic Stocks, Inc.

'It's not a spitoon. It's for scruples.'

"It seems to me it's a little unethical to recommend only ethical companies."

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

'I can still remember the days when you had a social conscience'.

"How do we know this isn't a ponzi scheme?"

'Shall we accept not-so-special interet money?'

'The top graph shows the patient's progress. The bottom one's the drug company's share price.'

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"