Spending Skeptic Gifts

"...why haven't you been taking part in the spending boom?"

"I'm telling you, we already cut the fat."

Politicians and Budget Cuts.

'Six hundred dollars! That's ridiculous! I could buy a new driver with that kind of money!'

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

'In an effort to make our economic reporting and projections more accurate, our resident weatherman will be delivering the economic news.'

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

Assets $2,400,000,000 Liabilities $4,6000,000,000 Government Bailout $2,200,000,000

Guide to Working Class Investing

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

How Supply-Side Economics Works.

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"I invested $1000 in Nortel and now my shares are worth 18 cents."

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

'We can tell the public, ' the good news is we've eliminated the middleman, The bad news is we've eliminated a lot of other jobs.''

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."