Skeptical Spenders Gifts

'Wow, your expensive health insurance is worth every penny! According to your status, you're entitled to a special single room. Do you prefer the lift shaft or the heating cellar?'

Stock market investment advice

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

Down on Her.

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

Cash Rebate

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

"I want to be cured of some very destructive buying habits."

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

'Six hundred dollars! That's ridiculous! I could buy a new driver with that kind of money!'

Money falling down a black hole

Truth in labeling: If it sounds too good to be true. . . investments, stocks, bonds & mutual funds - formally fly-by nite investments.

Politicians and Budget Cuts.

'I don't CARE if they were marked down 35 percent. That set of drapes goes back to the store!'

'I couldn't afford the lavish lifestyle I was living. Coming to accept that was freeing, although, not as freeing as I had hoped.'

'Get rich quick schemes - $1,000,000 each.'

Coming soon: The Garden of Eden Shopping Center.

'No Wallmart...No Target...No mall...How can you call this paradise?'

"And Boris caims all his spending plans will be financed by winnings on investing £1000 a week in Eurolottery tickets..."

Some black sheep at the financial consulting branch are working with cheap tricks.

'It's been raining all day. There's nothing to do.'

Supermarket - 'Buy One, Get 5kg Of Packaging Free'

Cancel that turkey and prawn sandwich and make it cheese.

'Ugh! Savings sprees are so dull.'

Look thru the hole to see budget savings: 'I don't see anything in there...'

"He was only here as a visitor, but collapsed when he saw the car park charges."