Skeptical Buyer Gifts

'They all do that, Sir!'

Stock market investment advice

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

Garage Music

Down on Her.

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

'The old one fell apart.'

'It's scoundrel time . . . '

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

Car Dealer

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

'Does that include the fishing rod?'

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

"I guess I can’t prove I exist either."

"THREE quid for a romantic verse? Don't you have any snappy one liners for 50p.?"

'I'm sorry, but all we have in your price range are a few bales of hay.'

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

Basic Shelter.

Wine Prices

'Get rich quick schemes - $1,000,000 each.'

Proving Jesus lived is harder than finding footprints in the water he walked on.

Truth in labeling: If it sounds too good to be true. . . investments, stocks, bonds & mutual funds - formally fly-by nite investments.

'No windows. You wouldn't want windows in a town like this.'

"This model is priced higher, but it comes with glow-in-the-dark stars."

'On the positive side, just think how small the mortgage payments will be.'

'At least you know exactly where you stand with a dealer like Bob.'

'That meter? It tells you how fast your interest charge is adding up.'

"This is the patient, doctor..."

"Hello. . . Police? We've been burgled! The bastards have taken all of our soap, hand sanitiser and toilet rolls!"

Igloo For Sale: No Termites! NO Carpenter ants! NO fleas! No mice! No rats! Absolutely pest free!

'I'd rather hear about the more relevant pyramiding schemes.'