Skeptical Buyer Gifts

'They all do that, Sir!'

"Baldo, I don't need advice on looking cool in a new car."

Stock market investment advice

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

Garage Music

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

Down on Her.

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

'The old one fell apart.'

'It's scoundrel time . . . '

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

Car Dealer

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

"I guess I can’t prove I exist either."

'Does that include the fishing rod?'

"THREE quid for a romantic verse? Don't you have any snappy one liners for 50p.?"

'I'm sorry, but all we have in your price range are a few bales of hay.'

Basic Shelter.

Wine Prices

'Get rich quick schemes - $1,000,000 each.'

Proving Jesus lived is harder than finding footprints in the water he walked on.

"This model is priced higher, but it comes with glow-in-the-dark stars."

'No windows. You wouldn't want windows in a town like this.'

Truth in labeling: If it sounds too good to be true. . . investments, stocks, bonds & mutual funds - formally fly-by nite investments.

'On the positive side, just think how small the mortgage payments will be.'

'At least you know exactly where you stand with a dealer like Bob.'

"This is the patient, doctor..."

"Hello. . . Police? We've been burgled! The bastards have taken all of our soap, hand sanitiser and toilet rolls!"

'I'd rather hear about the more relevant pyramiding schemes.'

'That meter? It tells you how fast your interest charge is adding up.'