Quirky Homebuyer Gifts

"Well, I'm not sure, it wasn't in the least bit damp"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Not to mention the park view."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

'Is the fire included?'

Beware of the Lawn

An exaggeration of estate agents

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

Strip Mine Estates - Mineral Rights? They're All Yours.

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"Can I suggest a hoarder's house? It's perfect for a young family of rats to move in and share with the current owner..."

'And this is the sunken living room.'

'And every spring, a koi pond shows up in a corner of the basement.'

Catchment Area for Teachers

Junk Mail Shredder.

'Buy this house and get two wonderful neighbours!'

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Uncle Sam.

'I'm positive that 'Open House' sign pointed to next door.'

'Fancy living here with the in-laws until we find a place of our own?'

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

"Is it right on the lagoon?"