Frustrated Buyer Gifts

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

Been looking at some used cars, Ernie? In the beginning there was Hyundai Genesis. Then I saw a Mitsubishi Mirage, but it disappeared before I could get a closer look. I was considering a Dodge Charger but it relocated to Los Angeles. And a Bronco was too many bucks for me. Then I found a great Ford Escape to buy. But in the morning the garage door was broken and it was gone. I think the universe is telling me to stick with my bike.

The Property Ladder

Car Dealer

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

Buy on-line - Fill in form, Fill in form again, And again, Lose form, Fill-in form a few more times, Give up and go to shop...

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

"The diet section is located next to the snack bar."

"Baldo, I don't need advice on looking cool in a new car."

'No windows. You wouldn't want windows in a town like this.'

"If you would like to listen to music while you are on hold press 1, If you would like some quiet time to work out how much this call is costing press 2, if...."

'According to my bank statement...THEY are overdrawn.'

"This model is priced higher, but it comes with glow-in-the-dark stars."

"I was at home all day yesterday so when do I want you to re-deliver? Yesterday!"

'That meter? It tells you how fast your interest charge is adding up.'

Rage Against the Washing Machine

What's the sale price on scones? Zero percent off. It's a sale in name only. I see. How many can I get at the sale price? The sale mentality mocks me.

Igloo For Sale: No Termites! NO Carpenter ants! NO fleas! No mice! No rats! Absolutely pest free!

'After seeing the latest fuel bills your Dad's gone nuclear!'

'I'd like to be frozen until health insurance will cover my pre-existing conditions.'

'When the computer senses that you are in a hurry, it automatically slows down.'

'It doesn't look good, Sir -- they're all bringing back their toasters!'

"Please rate our customer service. For Nasty Insults, Press 1...."

Every car I ever buy is a lemon phobia.

Customer Avoidance Dept.

Feelings towards radios #5 Man angrily kicking a radio.

"Well, I'm not sure, it wasn't in the least bit damp"

I need a credit card, I'm tired of my cheques bouncing.

Man at complaints window gets redirected to the next window.

'You don't qualify for a loan or a credit card. We can, however, over you a free bank calender.'

'Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.' - 'Blah, blah, blah.' - 'Ahem.' - 'Blah, blah, blah, blah.' - 'Blah, blah.' - 'Excuse me.' - 'Does it look like we want to help you?!' -