Frustrated Homeowner Gifts

Rage Against the Washing Machine

'I found the termites!'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"Careful. That house has a taser."

A man repeatedly pulls the start cord on his lawn mower until it falls apart.

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

Mouse real estate!

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

"Gnomeschooling is harder than I thought!"

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

'Hello, is that Dugdame and Son's, the plumber?'

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

"My pappy built this shell with his bare claws. I'll be damned if some freeloader moves in."

Car Dealer

"You live very near the edge, don't you"

"We have a termite problem."

Junk Mail Shredder.

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'

"What a rip-off."

Father-in-law - Break glass in case of emergency

"Your home is your most valuable asset."

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

A women is testing her House to see if it's Pregnant with a 'Home Pregnancy Test' kit