Quirky Homeowner Gifts

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

For rent!

Junk Mail Shredder.

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

For Sale- Cottage near golf course

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

I didn't mean to end up with two houses, but this buyers market is killing me! For sale.

Beware of the Lawn

Man sits on house.

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

'We don't have a dog but we felt a need to offer a warning anyway.'

A women is testing her House to see if it's Pregnant with a 'Home Pregnancy Test' kit

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

Keep off the grass.

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

Mouse real estate!

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

Man look over neighbours fence at a man mowing his lawn. He is wearing a suit of armour to protect him from stones being thrown up by mower.