Quirky Homeowner Gifts

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

For rent!

Junk Mail Shredder.

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

For Sale- Cottage near golf course

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Beware of the Lawn

Man sits on house.

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

'We don't have a dog but we felt a need to offer a warning anyway.'

A women is testing her House to see if it's Pregnant with a 'Home Pregnancy Test' kit

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

Keep off the grass.

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

' ... and this is the half bath.'

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Mouse real estate!

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

Man look over neighbours fence at a man mowing his lawn. He is wearing a suit of armour to protect him from stones being thrown up by mower.

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"You rang?"

'Oh, it's perfect, George! And it has termites, too!'

A botched home improvement job.