Quirky Homeowners Gifts

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Mouse real estate!

A cock up of builders

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

'We live in a designer trainer.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

Homes of the font designers

"When you said you lived in a fishbowl, I just assumed you never got out."

"Careful in the bathroom—we just had it reimagined."

Junk Mail Shredder.

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

An Englishman's home is his sand castle.

'Hope I'm not catching you with a bird in the bath, Harold?'

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'