Quirky Home Keepers Gifts

Brushing Under Man's Wig

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

' ... and this is the half bath.'

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

Egg Buggy

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'We live in a designer trainer.'

"This will look great on our bedroom wall."

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

How did you get a talking gerbil? Long, long, long story. My mom was a geneticist. My dad was a zoologist. They were in love once, but they loved their science more, and grew far, far apart. To save the marriage, they joined forces and created a talking gerbil, Herbert. A tiny creature to cherish and solidify their bond. Run for your life. I pooped myself. 'Twas a fool's errand.

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'Oh, it's perfect, George! And it has termites, too!'

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

'It's no spelling mistake-the dining room is in the basement.'

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

'No spring cleaning for me: I get a cleaner to come over in winter while we're asleep...'

"Ok, you wash, you dry...."

"Interesting story behind this one..."

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

"When you said you lived in a fishbowl, I just assumed you never got out."

"I bought a new summer condo."

Junk Mail Shredder.

'Ah, you must be the cleaner. I'm the dirtier.'

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'