Quirky Homekeeper Gifts

'Wow, you actually suck worse than I do.'

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Beware of the Lawn

Egg Buggy

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

Dog Bookends

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

Chick Billiard Ball

How did you get a talking gerbil? Long, long, long story. My mom was a geneticist. My dad was a zoologist. They were in love once, but they loved their science more, and grew far, far apart. To save the marriage, they joined forces and created a talking gerbil, Herbert. A tiny creature to cherish and solidify their bond. Run for your life. I pooped myself. 'Twas a fool's errand.

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

'It's not art - I just overfed my goldfish!'

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

A chicken coop with a loudspeaker on the roof

"Ya know, it wouldn’t kill you to bark."

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

Junk Mail Shredder.

That thing you threw up was only a hairball.

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'

'Hope I'm not catching you with a bird in the bath, Harold?'

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

'He's marvellous in the kitchen. every night he does all the washing up and licks my cooker clean.'

We have dog spas, dog motels, dog walkers, dog designer clothes...

A women is testing her House to see if it's Pregnant with a 'Home Pregnancy Test' kit

Bert always found plenty of rubbish for his compost bin

'We don't have a dog but we felt a need to offer a warning anyway.'

"Thought so - you didn't wipe your feet!"

"You'll see, he's not a bad Master, but for some weird reason he insists on my sitting before I cross the road..."

'The owners all think the cats love his bedside manner...'

Brushing Under Man's Wig

Cash-For-Soul Shop

Man sits on house.