Homeowner Troubles Gifts

"We have a termite problem."

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'I found the termites!'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

Beware of the Lawn

"The pH level seems a little off."

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

'If you promise to never try to openthe locked attic door, the owner will take $20,000 off!'

'Hello, is that Dugdame and Son's, the plumber?'

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

"Decaf for me, Peter."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

"...and I can assure you that our price increases will be more competitive than those of other providers."

'What do you mean, you forgot about the coalmining search?'

'It has to have big living room, he has a sixty inch rock.'

"You owe us more than your house is worth. One of our depositors will be moving in with you to help even things out."

"Homeowner please help."