Anxious Buyers Gifts

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

Worry tank

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

Down on Her.

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

Flush Direct

Car Dealer

Fortune Telling: Retirement Planning.

'Midnight Galas, dinner at the Captain's table, the Swinging Singles Bar, exotic tropical nights... if I may say so, Miss Winslow... this cruise is you!'

"I know we don't have a garden, but I panicked!"

'Quick! sell me a lure,any lure,I just found an empty compartment in my tackle box.'

"This model is priced higher, but it comes with glow-in-the-dark stars."

"Baldo, I don't need advice on looking cool in a new car."

"Did you order 8000 tins of beans, 10,000 litres of water, 400 bottles of vitamins C tablets, 500 rolls of tin foil. . ."

"Hello. . . Police? We've been burgled! The bastards have taken all of our soap, hand sanitiser and toilet rolls!"

I called Laurel an hour ago and she hasn’t called me back. What could possibly be the reason? She no longer likes me; She's gotten into a horrible accident; She's having an affair with Justin Timberlake? She's moving to Europe without telling me?! HOJ. She hasn't gotten the message yet? She's moving to Europe with Justin Timberlake.

Turn off the tv! Blasphemy. I have Extreme Partisanship Syndrome. I can't hear about politics. I get too riled up. It could kill me. No more Fox, or MSNBC, or even the networks. Fine, but there are other options. Can't this kill me too? Just the mind. Tonight on Biggest Loser: Jog eating.

"Are there any careers where I won't get replaced by an app?"

'Call me when you invent the warranty.'

Incredibly Inexpensive Security Systems' advertise 'Pretty Good Set Ups. 1/2 the price, 2/3 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional break-ins.

'What - the whole house is flooded? Great! I take it!'

'I don't like the looks of this.'

A family hides from the TV news.

Been looking at some used cars, Ernie? In the beginning there was Hyundai Genesis. Then I saw a Mitsubishi Mirage, but it disappeared before I could get a closer look. I was considering a Dodge Charger but it relocated to Los Angeles. And a Bronco was too many bucks for me. Then I found a great Ford Escape to buy. But in the morning the garage door was broken and it was gone. I think the universe is telling me to stick with my bike.

Every car I ever buy is a lemon phobia.

"I think you'll find this home has real storybook charm."

'I don't want to be a doctor! I'm liable to be sued for malpractice!'

"I have to agree with your husband - he knows a deal when he sees one."

"Norman's been panic buying Jerry Cans."

"Can Jonny come out to panic-buy with us?"

The Property Ladder

Based On A True Story

"The boy sure likes it!"