Anxious Investor Gifts

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

Worry tank

Stock market investment advice

Fear of news.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

'It's scoundrel time . . . '

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

'Unfortunately, medical science hasn't come up with a cure for 'stock market jitters.'

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

'We're expecting stocks to rally but we don't know which ones and when.'

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

"Hurry it up, Solomon Brothers are waiting for my decision"

'She will not call on me, she will not call on me, she. . .'

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

'Having investment jitters when the market is not experiencing jitters, is perfectly normal.'

Half a loaf is better than none..

'Get rich quick schemes - $1,000,000 each.'

Truth in labeling: If it sounds too good to be true. . . investments, stocks, bonds & mutual funds - formally fly-by nite investments.

'I hope buying this house won't sink us.'

"I haven't been this pessimistic about investing since yesterday."

'Your first major investment decision?'

"It's only by cultivating a deep mutual trusting relationship with clients that you'll get the chance to shaft them more than once!"

"Just relax. Your investments are so safe you'll be worth a million dollars if you live to be 169."

"Anyway, all you'll need to worry about soon is which direction the wind is blowing."

Some black sheep at the financial consulting branch are working with cheap tricks.

Choose your social anxiety coping mechanism!

"Are there any careers where I won't get replaced by an app?"