Anxious Competitor Gifts

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

The Uncle Vinnie Insomnia Open

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

'Now close your eyes and visualize our upcoming softball game against the elm street zen center and kicking their sorry behinds.'

'Please give me the strength to ask for a raise without my voice breaking into an annoying falsetto and my brow all sweaty.'

"Oh no, I never replied to Theresa's email! And tomorrow I must call Steve.... What does Yara think of me?"

Once again, Daisy had won the 'Employee of the Month' award...'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

Tree growing

They called her the Olympic Flame because she never went out.

Welcome Sufferers of Stage Fright

"My life is a powerful blast tocenter field easily snagged on the warning track."

The Job Interview

'You're in extreme danger because you eat too much. . .'

Don't laugh. It's added three points to his scores.

"I'd like to extend a special welcome to those of you who are joining us for the first time, as part of a nightmare you're having."

Man coming home and kicking cat, wife asks 'Had a good match dear?'

'Play among yourselves while I deal with my stage fright.'

Who said, women are no-good at boxing?

You've been in there for quite a while, little buddy. Everything all right? Go away, Randy! Randy's rule #896: A confident person doesn't get tinkle-shy just because there's a long line waiting for him or her to finish. Still here. Go away!!!

"Call me a dreamer, but I see a world in which I give speeches without pants and find myself in the final exam of courses I never signed up for."

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

Phil's new yoga-golf technique was beginning to perturb the others.

'Apparently it was only his fear of heights that stopped him from jumping.'

Turn off the tv! Blasphemy. I have Extreme Partisanship Syndrome. I can't hear about politics. I get too riled up. It could kill me. No more Fox, or MSNBC, or even the networks. Fine, but there are other options. Can't this kill me too? Just the mind. Tonight on Biggest Loser: Jog eating.

"Are there any careers where I won't get replaced by an app?"

Conscientious objection.

"Strike three, strike three! Please, God, strike three!"

'Watch him, Dewey! He's taking a big lead!!'

"I was too anxious to sleep, too sleepy to work, and too lazy to go to the kitchen."

Guilt Day at Shea.

Competitive Meditation.