Investment Worriers Gifts

'Having investment jitters when the market is not experiencing jitters, is perfectly normal.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

Stock market investment advice

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

Rogue Traders from Parallel Universes.

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

Guide to Working Class Investing

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

The Circle.

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

'Unfortunately, medical science hasn't come up with a cure for 'stock market jitters.'

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

Energy Bills

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

"All I did was ask it if we'll ever collect Social Security and Medicare."

"I invested $1000 in Nortel and now my shares are worth 18 cents."

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

"We were wondering if now would be a good time to panic."

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

"Hurry it up, Solomon Brothers are waiting for my decision"