Cautious Investors Gifts

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

No Immediate Danger

Stock market investment advice

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

"You might say I'm middle-of-the-road. I'd buy a fur coat but I wouldn't buy a Japanese fur coat."

For 29 years, Bert's strategy had been to reach retirement without making any waves,missteps or career-limiting moves. And it might have worked, too, if only he'd foreseen the fossilization risk.

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

"He wants the cat for his next trick. I'd be real careful about this, Eileen."

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

'This ladder is rotten!'

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

Health and safety nightmare.

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

"Measure twice. Wipe once."

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

'Having investment jitters when the market is not experiencing jitters, is perfectly normal.'

"Okay, guys. Don't open your chutes till I give the word."

'Hmmm, this is too good to be true: I can smell a rat...'

Height barrier accident.

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten out genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

Truth in labeling: If it sounds too good to be true. . . investments, stocks, bonds & mutual funds - formally fly-by nite investments.

'Get rich quick schemes - $1,000,000 each.'

Half a loaf is better than none..

"I'd be very happy to give if I could be confident the money was spent well!"

'Mom says if you're going to buy anything online,I'm supposed to make sure it's a secure site.'

Drink Driving

'Better slow it down a bit.'

'I'd rather hear about the more relevant pyramiding schemes.'

"Happy New Year"

"Judging by the belt and suspenders, I sense you're a risk averse investor."