Cautious Capitalist Gifts

'I'm a nervous investor so I asked my broker to dilute my market risk. My broker put me into a hedge fund of hedge funds of hedge funds.'

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

"I, too, hate being a greedy bastard, but we have a responsibility to our shareholders."

The scales between gluttony and hunger

"You might say I'm middle-of-the-road. I'd buy a fur coat but I wouldn't buy a Japanese fur coat."

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

"I got rich through hard work." "Whose?"

Amputee watches wealthy man who has a spare set of legs.

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

"Well, sure, it LOOKS like a straightforward plea to buy our product...but for safety we better run it by the legal department

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

Republicans have me feeling reflective about capitalism, in a good way. Uh, oh. You've been with the company 20 years. I appreciate that kind of loyalty. I just want you to know that. Thanks. It also makes me realize that you have few other job options and thus are more or less subject to my whims regarding pay and benefits. Okay, pep talk over. Enjoy your day. Hang on, I could maybe possibly get a job at Coffee King!

China gets capitalistic in its own way...: 'The Tao is up!'

'We're taking baby steps with this whole social media thing until we're certain it pans out.'

All Eggs in One Basket world headquarters

"Harrharrharr! I love cheap girls who are willing to show me their juicy tax loopholes!!"

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

"Okay, guys. Don't open your chutes till I give the word."

Bio Oil Co.

"You know what I think, folks? Improving technology isn't important. Increased profits aren't important. What's important is to be warm, decent human beings."

'Hmmm, this is too good to be true: I can smell a rat...'

"I'll invest, but you must promise none of my money will go towards that Robert Mugabe."

Half a loaf is better than none..

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten out genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

Business men in street looking at poster, "It must be hard living in a country where the rich and the powerful completely ignore the needs of the less fortunate"

"I'd be very happy to give if I could be confident the money was spent well!"

'Mom says if you're going to buy anything online,I'm supposed to make sure it's a secure site.'

"We should invest in some hotels, a few railroads, and maybe a couple of utilities. If we're short on cash we can just wait until we pass go."

"Judging by the belt and suspenders, I sense you're a risk averse investor."

Cancel that turkey and prawn sandwich and make it cheese.

"She wants to make sure we don't lose her money..."

"Just relax. Your investments are so safe you'll be worth a million dollars if you live to be 169."

'When it comes to investing, I'm not bullish or bearish... I'm chickenish.'

My 35 years of experience tell me your tolerance for risk is low...