Cautious Capitalist Pillows

'I'm a nervous investor so I asked my broker to dilute my market risk. My broker put me into a hedge fund of hedge funds of hedge funds.'

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

"I, too, hate being a greedy bastard, but we have a responsibility to our shareholders."

The scales between gluttony and hunger

"You might say I'm middle-of-the-road. I'd buy a fur coat but I wouldn't buy a Japanese fur coat."

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

"I got rich through hard work." "Whose?"

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

Amputee watches wealthy man who has a spare set of legs.

"Well, sure, it LOOKS like a straightforward plea to buy our product...but for safety we better run it by the legal department

China gets capitalistic in its own way...: 'The Tao is up!'

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

'We're taking baby steps with this whole social media thing until we're certain it pans out.'

"Harrharrharr! I love cheap girls who are willing to show me their juicy tax loopholes!!"

All Eggs in One Basket world headquarters

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

"Okay, guys. Don't open your chutes till I give the word."

'Hmmm, this is too good to be true: I can smell a rat...'

"You know what I think, folks? Improving technology isn't important. Increased profits aren't important. What's important is to be warm, decent human beings."

Bio Oil Co.

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten out genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

Half a loaf is better than none..

"I'll invest, but you must promise none of my money will go towards that Robert Mugabe."

Business men in street looking at poster, "It must be hard living in a country where the rich and the powerful completely ignore the needs of the less fortunate"

"I'd be very happy to give if I could be confident the money was spent well!"

'Mom says if you're going to buy anything online,I'm supposed to make sure it's a secure site.'

"She wants to make sure we don't lose her money..."

"Judging by the belt and suspenders, I sense you're a risk averse investor."

"Just relax. Your investments are so safe you'll be worth a million dollars if you live to be 169."

"We should invest in some hotels, a few railroads, and maybe a couple of utilities. If we're short on cash we can just wait until we pass go."

Cancel that turkey and prawn sandwich and make it cheese.

'When it comes to investing, I'm not bullish or bearish... I'm chickenish.'

My 35 years of experience tell me your tolerance for risk is low...

A Daily Prescription for Politically-Correct Conspicuous Consumers.