Cautious Investor Pillows

My 35 years of experience tell me your tolerance for risk is low...

Safe investor

"She wants to make sure we don't lose her money..."

Half a loaf is better than none..

"Just relax. Your investments are so safe you'll be worth a million dollars if you live to be 169."

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

No Immediate Danger

Stock market investment advice

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

"You might say I'm middle-of-the-road. I'd buy a fur coat but I wouldn't buy a Japanese fur coat."

Financial Prudence disappears.

For 29 years, Bert's strategy had been to reach retirement without making any waves,missteps or career-limiting moves. And it might have worked, too, if only he'd foreseen the fossilization risk.

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

'I'd like to play, but I'm afraid it might void my warranty.'

"On reflection, it might be prudent to leave this one till last..."

"He wants the cat for his next trick. I'd be real careful about this, Eileen."

Tortoise Goes For A Swim

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

'We're taking baby steps with this whole social media thing until we're certain it pans out.'

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

"Measure twice. Wipe once."

"For clients with an extremely low risk tolerance, I recommend they talk to someone with a ground-floor office."

"Okay, guys. Don't open your chutes till I give the word."

'Hmmm, this is too good to be true: I can smell a rat...'

Height barrier accident.

'You should try to be more spontaneous.' 'I shall. When I'm good and ready.'

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten out genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

'Get rich quick schemes - $1,000,000 each.'