Skeptics Of Investment Schemes Gifts

'Do you mean to tell me, that if I put all of my money into Mid Eastern tool and dye, that I'll be wealthy in six months?'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Stock market investment advice

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

How Trickle Down Economics Work

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'My work is based on a version of the truth, but I believe the truth to be fluid...'

'What happens when we run out of gas?!'

'It's scoundrel time . . . '

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

Guide to Working Class Investing

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"I invested $1000 in Nortel and now my shares are worth 18 cents."

"This better not be another one of your crazy pyramid schemes."

EuroPygmees

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

'Rumors...'

Home improvements do not always represent a sound investment.

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

'Six hundred dollars! That's ridiculous! I could buy a new driver with that kind of money!'

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

'Having investment jitters when the market is not experiencing jitters, is perfectly normal.'

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"