Skeptics Of Investment Schemes Mugs

'Do you mean to tell me, that if I put all of my money into Mid Eastern tool and dye, that I'll be wealthy in six months?'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Stock market investment advice

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'My work is based on a version of the truth, but I believe the truth to be fluid...'

'It's scoundrel time . . . '

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

'What happens when we run out of gas?!'

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"This better not be another one of your crazy pyramid schemes."

EuroPygmees

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

'It's not a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi FUND.'

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

'Rumors...'

Home improvements do not always represent a sound investment.

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

'Six hundred dollars! That's ridiculous! I could buy a new driver with that kind of money!'

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

'Having investment jitters when the market is not experiencing jitters, is perfectly normal.'

Money falling down a black hole