Anxious Analyst Gifts

'I don't want to be a doctor! I'm liable to be sued for malpractice!'

Based On A True Story

"Are there any careers where I won't get replaced by an app?"

Turn off the tv! Blasphemy. I have Extreme Partisanship Syndrome. I can't hear about politics. I get too riled up. It could kill me. No more Fox, or MSNBC, or even the networks. Fine, but there are other options. Can't this kill me too? Just the mind. Tonight on Biggest Loser: Jog eating.

Worry tank

Fear of news.

"Perhaps there is such a thing as being too well-informed."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

Hypochondria Hospital

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

"Sad really. He's scared of heights."

"I'm sensing that un underlying cause of your anxiety is climate change."

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

"How is everything, besides the obvious?"

"I'm doing better. The voices in my head can now access my email."

Conserve water! NO compulsive hand washing

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

"Do you have to write down all the things you need to worry about?"

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

'The market was down today substantially on fears that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.'

You don’t have to fake it, Bob—it’s OK to show your fear.

'It's these sleeper terrorists, doctor. They're keeping me awake at night.'

"Just get out there and be yourself – or better yet, someone like me."

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

'She will not call on me, she will not call on me, she. . .'

Top 10 things to worry about in 2020.

"Have you considered that all your fears may be 'media driven'?"

Everyone knows the naked truth about me phobia.

"I can always tell when there's something on Ferguson's mind."

"What worries me is that I have nothing to worry about. . ."