Fee Fiasco Enthusiast Gifts

"This charge is for your monthly service fee and this charge is because you didn't have it."

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

"You forgot to read the small print Mr Burrows. My charges are ten pounds a letter and you have two hundred and thirty three on this page."

"Oh dear, it seems your file has been routinely destroyed."

"I heard you are charging a monthly fee for using your debit card, and I'm here to complain!"

'How did I become Vice-President? You ask...I came up with the logest list of fees to charge bank customers.'

'I hate toask again, but what is it I'm supposed to be looking for?'

'And then I said, 'So sue me!'...'

"As you know, Ed, my pockets are considerably deeper than yours. Therefore, in addition to my share I'll be needing a percentage of yours."

Greece & EU

'Sure it's an impressive collection. Too bad they're all overdue library books.'

Teller - Hand over some money! I need to pay my bank charges.

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

'Quick, Lassie, our credit cards are maxed! Get help!'

"Hello. I'm the bluebird of good taste and I seem to be lost."

'I'm sorry Jeeves, I'm going to have to let one go.'

The Office Black Hole

Everyone smile and say FEES

"Penny for your thoughts? I'm a solicitor, it'll cost you five hundred!"

A tree that only days earlier was standing perfectly upright on its own.

"Your company has gone bankrupt and you've been imprisoned because we gave you bad info? Didn't your mom ever teach you not to trust strangers?"

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate' A guest is refused entry to the Softy-Wype toilet tissue masked ball.

"I told you leaving that clip-on tie was a mistake."

Pay Inactivity Fee $20.

'Grabbit and Squeeze' - 'We Never Lose' - "Perhaps you didn't realise that our mission statement doesn't refer to winning cases"

'The number you have dialled is your own, you will be billed a $25.00 moron charge.'

'Just give me the ten bucks and look at it as another surcharge.'

'According to our bank statement, they're broke.'

"Is this the First State Bank? I need a loan...about $1 million."

'There were queues for petrol, so I panic-bought charcoal briquettes and bags of boiled sweets instead'

'Should I ask for a raise?' 'Don't bother, the firm's going under!'