Customer Service Skeptic Pillows

'Your call is important to us...but not important encough for us to hire additional staff to talk to you.'

"It's the airline. The luggage you lost seven years ago is still lost."

'...Please press 4, if you want a refund hang up.'

City Bank: The bank that sticks with you through thick.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"I'm afraid that due to a recent reorientation of forward facing customer resource functionality you're going to have to make the complaint to yourself... in triplicate."

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

Cold caller.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

Sales company

"I'd recommend this."

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

"Will that be for here or to go?"

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

"I was supposed to prepare your year-end review but I figured youe sales chart would just save me the trouble."

'Ladies and Gentlemen we regret to announce there will be a slight delay to your flight.'

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

'...I know it's a good discount but we don't need double glazing!'

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."