Quirky Customer Care Enthusiast Pillows

'You'll find that Doctor has his own method of dealing with deadbeats!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'Beer? Wassat then?'

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"I've built this business up from scratch. . . "

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

Exciting suggestion in 'suggestion box'.

"Alfresco Plumbing & Hardware Supplies"

"Excuse me...but there are hairs in my soup. I think we should be supportive when our friends open a business. But sometimes I wonder...what are they thinking?"

"I'd recommend this."

"Will that be for here or to go?"

'Could you show me something that's more feature laden?'

'Tellers laughing ' 'Can I have my statement?'

The competition's customer vs our customer.

"Right, shall we delay the discussion on customer care again and look at the urgent issue of declining sales and plummeting profits."

"If your internet doesn't work, please check our online help chat...if your internet doesn't work..."

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

'Why on earth did you ask the customer if there was anything else you could do for him??!'

'It's a wonderful new drug...a sort of injectable garlic.'

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

"It won't be long - we're in the process of hiring a cook now."

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

Cathy was becoming increasingly buy-curious.