Cynical Consumers Pillows

'These smart pills are overpriced!"

Confusing supermarket moments: salt - now with 50% less salt.

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"You mean to tell me I can only vote against one Congressman?"

Will Self deprecation

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

"You might say I'm middle-of-the-road. I'd buy a fur coat but I wouldn't buy a Japanese fur coat."

Cash Rebate

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Diogenes and tourists

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'That's it?'

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

"To be perfectly frank, the preceding was a paid political bunch of lies."

'Let's face it, we're nothing but a puppet government.'

"...and, if elected, I promise never to tell another lie...oh, there I go again!"

No more bribes - today.

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

The bipartisan election cycle: 'Every 2 years without fail, I perform my patriotic duty and vote the bums out.'

'According to the voice-stress analyzer, he's not going to lower taxes.'