Cynical Buyer Buddy Pillows

'I know nothing about cars. Is this a good lemon?'

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'These smart pills are overpriced!"

Cash Rebate

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

Car Dealer

"We met on Agnostic Rendezvous."

Garage Sales Anonymous

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

Would you like it engraved? Yes please put to my one and only love. That way if we break up and she throws it back at me, I can use it on someone else.

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

'No windows. You wouldn't want windows in a town like this.'

"Can you see it, Bob? Green grass, warm breeze, flip flops. . . spring is coming!"

"This model is priced higher, but it comes with glow-in-the-dark stars."

"Your mother is receiving top quality care and attention."

Igloo For Sale: No Termites! NO Carpenter ants! NO fleas! No mice! No rats! Absolutely pest free!

"Of course I'm after your money, you haven't got anything else."

"I'm not investing a penny into the high street!"

HELLth-care Insurance

"Hello. . . Police? We've been burgled! The bastards have taken all of our soap, hand sanitiser and toilet rolls!"

"Waiting for some customers to call?!"

'What - the whole house is flooded? Great! I take it!'

House for free - 'Too much'!

Hooray, Sid - civilisation at last!'

"Well, I'm not sure, it wasn't in the least bit damp"

"I know the government's carrying part of the risk, but I'm not sure Mr.Cameron knows much about plumbing."

"And I suppose you believe everything you read?"

'Oh no! Not another customer looking for a mortgage...'

"I think you'll find this home has real storybook charm."

Vote Zbufski! He could be worse.