Customer Service Survivalist Gifts

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Desert Island Meals.

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Problem Solving: Man rows desert island to land.

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

Late/Too Late.

'Arf! Arf!'

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

'Ever feel like you've walked into a corporate lion's den?'

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Cafe Burns.

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

Anti stress week: For God sake don't miss it!!

'I hear they're letting you go. Your family must have paid the ransom.'

'I'm glad to see you've started building a boat.'

With the office space available, we have no choice but to believe in teamwork!

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

Bob liked a challenge, and the shipwreck gave him something to get his teeth into.

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'Oh, we tried a nurturing corporate culture, but we found the law-of-the-jungle mentality is what keeps our competitive edge..'

'Do you have to be so melodramatic?'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

"Hi, I'm Cindy, the company's most toxic employee!"

Doug reasoned that things could be worse...but just how much worse...he wasn't sure??