Customer Service Savant Gifts

"This is great!! Now, what's the bad news?"

"Perhaps you're to blame for having unrealistic expectations."

'Our customer service was lousy, but from now on, we'll give the personal touch. Let's write to 'Hey lassies and dudes, what's up?'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

"Wrong window. I’m a sea lion. You need an otter."

Despite the economic downturn, sales are as good as ever.

'Sell South Africa!'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

The company's marketing strategy became increasingly sophisticated.

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

Do not feed the clerks.

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'Excuse me, but is there any chance of finding me a decaffeinated clerk?'

"If you think my service is bad. . . wait 'til you taste the food!"

'No Mam. The service charge does not include a change of oil.'

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."

'Oi, do you mind, trying to speak to my colleague - two self service tills having a chat together.'

Friendly banks and Cold and aloof banks.

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

'Oh, it's about what I expected...I'm on hold for eternity to some tech rep in India.'

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

Complaints about how we handled your complaint.

'No, I'm sorry, the HVAC engineer isn't here ... No, I'm not sure when he'll be back? Would you like to be put on hold?'