Service Savants Gifts

"I had to bite him once, but now I always get a great table."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

Where was I?

'Okay, okay, be patient!'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

Despite the economic downturn, sales are as good as ever.

"I sense a lot more going on with you than 'house-husband."

'Sell South Africa!'

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

'Waiter, there's a drone in my soup.'

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

"Ah — excellent catsup."

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

The company's marketing strategy became increasingly sophisticated.

'Computers' 'Hardware' 'Software'

"I recently upgraded my resume-writing software."

'I tell you what: Thank goodness for tomato sauce...'

'No tipping please.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

'No Mam. The service charge does not include a change of oil.'

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

"Stimulating this area of the brain will enable the patient to think of all the clever things he wished he had said."

'I'm sorry, I can't reveal my sauce.'

Look at these silly doorbuster promos for flat-screens and webcams. So? Tree's Trees. I'm not battling Black Friday traffic for a few bucks off junk I don't want. I hope someone does. I'm offering half off poinsettias for the first 25 customers. Tree's Tree Nursery. They're my gatebusters. Junk plants no one really wants.

'I tell you, Angela, there's no sight sadder than a desperate adhesives salesman...'

'You sure you've got Photoshop experiance.'

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

"Chef keeps the secrets of his sauces close to his chest"