Service Savvy Gifts

'No Mam. The service charge does not include a change of oil.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

'Running your own business means being self-made, unfortunately it also means finding out what you're made of!'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

'From here I can monitor world stocks, or attend overseas teleconferences, unfortunately I can't get out though because the door's stuck.'

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"Sometimes I don't think you're listening to me!"

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

The first unfriendly takeover

"Have you heard something that the rest of us don't know about?"

'Sir, there's a taxpayer who knows his rights, to see you.'

'We can still rise to the occasion but, in light of bad press, just not in the company-owned plane.'

Waiting staff

'Darling - are you finding these waiters rather over-attentive?'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"We ran out of the little umbrellas."

"Waiter - there's a fly in my soup."

CEO, 'The buck stops here & becomes part of my next bonus'.

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

"How am I supposed to know what I want to complain about before you've even said anything?"

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

"Thanks for waiting."

Build a better mousetrap and the IRS will beat a path to your door.

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

'Our customer service was lousy, but from now on, we'll give the personal touch. Let's write to 'Hey lassies and dudes, what's up?'

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

"I suppose I'll be the one to mention the elephant in the room."

Two kids have stands: one Lemonade the other Tooth Fairy Investment Advisor.