Country Club Regular Gifts

Man protecting himself from potential golfballs

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

Jurassic Country Club.

'You're away, Doc!'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

"Now might be a good time to talk about your grip."

"I haven't seen you in church lately, Mr. Smedly..."

Putting out on the green is called 'The Short Game'.

'Lost again. I hope you kept a diary of your trip.'

'How much have you lost so far?', '$375.00'

If swimming is such a good way to lose weight, how do you explain whales?

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

"They're passing a plate? Great, I'm starved!"

"This one travels 30 yards farther when you throw it."

'How much have you lost so far?', '$375.00'

The Disadvantage of Easier Golf Courses

Eccentric clothing may tend to interfere with play.

Noises from armpits.

'Steward, this fellow hasn't spoken for a week. Be a good chap and feel his pulse will you?'

'No wonder this club has such a low membership fee.'

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Mr. Crenshaw gave up Sunday golf to go to church.'

"I'm guessing this is the first time Jack's had a chance to make par?"

"I like the look of this steamer in the 2.30."

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I don't care if it's only once every 17 years and crucial to a cicada's ability to attract a mate...'

'For Heaven's sake Gerald, we all lead in the wrong suit some evenings.'

Angry golfer with gun

'Which do you prefer being called...'rich' or job creator'?'

Thanks for the order, JB. Now, how about another game for real?

"Told you it was my lucky day, I only lost £30."

The game requires no great physical strength...

'Same school, old boy, fancy a drink at the club?'

'I lied about my physique at the interview!!'

"Golf is the only game that comes with a slave."

"Please take a seat and wait! The dentist is very busy today. He has almost done eighteenth holes!"