Country Club Regulars Gifts

The game requires no great physical strength...

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

"Is it horny in here, or is it just me?"

Jurassic Country Club.

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

Putting out on the green is called 'The Short Game'.

Eating the Cocktail Olive

"They're flipping to see who pays for the meal."

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

Man at bar: 'Drinking to forget?' Other man: 'Don't remind me!'

"Open mike night"

If swimming is such a good way to lose weight, how do you explain whales?

'Great idea, Pete!'

'Bartender! Will you please explain why my gaze has fallen upon a piece of wall not plastered with a blaring high-def TV???'

"This one travels 30 yards farther when you throw it."

'One door closed, another opened, and I fell right out the window.'

Two men attempt to use the same snooker cue.

"The doctor at table 3 said he wanted his toast STAT."

Eccentric clothing may tend to interfere with play.

Itchy Butt 50

"My wife will have the number 2. I'll have the number five. And the kids will split an order of the number nine." "2 + 5 + 4 1/2 + 4 1/2 = 16"

"A bloody Mary, Chuck-weapons grade."

'Tch! We're not eating Mexican again, are we?' 'Well, I'd look pretty silly going into an Italian restaurant dressed like this.'

Man protecting himself from potential golfballs

Noises from armpits.