Country Club Regulars Gifts

The game requires no great physical strength...

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

"Is it horny in here, or is it just me?"

Jurassic Country Club.

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

"Now might be a good time to talk about your grip."

The waitstaff at Luigi's like to have fun when they administered the Heimlich maneuver.

Eating the Cocktail Olive

"They're flipping to see who pays for the meal."

"Open mike night"

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

Putting out on the green is called 'The Short Game'.

If swimming is such a good way to lose weight, how do you explain whales?

Man at bar: 'Drinking to forget?' Other man: 'Don't remind me!'

'Great idea, Pete!'

'Bartender! Will you please explain why my gaze has fallen upon a piece of wall not plastered with a blaring high-def TV???'

"This one travels 30 yards farther when you throw it."

Are we a bunch of losers? Who are you talking about? Me, Randy, Sadie, even you Uncle Mort – all of us cafe regulars. We've been hanging out at this place for years. I've been working here two decades. Do we have nowhere else to go? More powerful even than inertia: Any momentum killed by an uncompromising nap regimen. Zzzz.

Two men attempt to use the same snooker cue.

Itchy Butt 50

"The doctor at table 3 said he wanted his toast STAT."

I'm sorry, sir, but the bill is correct. The sign says "Kid Seat Free," not "Kids eat free."

"My wife will have the number 2. I'll have the number five. And the kids will split an order of the number nine." "2 + 5 + 4 1/2 + 4 1/2 = 16"

'One door closed, another opened, and I fell right out the window.'

Eccentric clothing may tend to interfere with play.

Man protecting himself from potential golfballs

"A bloody Mary, Chuck-weapons grade."

'Tch! We're not eating Mexican again, are we?' 'Well, I'd look pretty silly going into an Italian restaurant dressed like this.'

Because it contains thousands of individual characters, burping the alphabet in Japan is truly a glorious achievement.

'Gesundheit, , , what's wrong need a kleenex or something'